Monday, December 26, 2005

The Lie That Is Iraq

My brother has a good friend, an expatriot from Iraq, who has since gone back to his home country to help rebuild it after the toppling of Saddam. He has written back a lot, and what he says is quite different than what you see on TV. Don't die of a heart attack when you realize that what you see on TV isn't real. Didn't your momma teach you don't believe everything you see?

He's getting his US citizenship. He loves this country; all he has to do now is take the oath. Here is what he says about Iraq.

The people there love what we did for them. They do not protest. They do not complain. They are at peace. Sure there are hot spots where soldiers die. But they are only hot spots. The comparison was made that it closely resembles Los Angeles. White people don't go into Compton at night. They just don't. It's the same way in places in Iraq. But for the most part, the people are at peace.

Also when they say on the news "Yes, we want the U.S. to get out of our country" it isn't because they think they've been victimized or invaded. It's because they are ready to govern themselves again, or at least try to, and they're expressing their belief that the work of the U.S. is done.

After two successful elections, their government is quickly on the way to recovery. And hopefully this Iraqi friend can take both my brother and me to see the ruins of Babylon. We would like that. But for now, he says, white people don't walk the streets of Compton at night.

So Babylon is going to have to wait, for now.

And to Saddam's complaints that he doesn't have a park to walk in and exercise while he's in jail, tell that to the families of the people he gassed and threw into mass graves. He should be glad he's still alive.

Miranda On A Milkbox

Ok i don't even know if that's how you properly spell miranda, but i don't really care. What I do care about is this government of mine continually eroding away my civil liberties because of a fart and a whim.

What is up with this new "law" by our wonderful president saying that wiretaps can be used without a warrant? Oh rest assured they'll only be used if there's reason to do so. HEY WAKE UP AMERICA! THATS THE WAY THE LAW ALREADY WAS! Ever hear of probable cause? Proving to a judge that you know someone might be up to something so you get a warrant to investigate further?

They claim that they don't have time to get a warrant. BULLSHIT. What they are saying is their intelligence sucks so bad they want to be able to stop a guy when they pick up an errant signal on a cell phone that says "OH MY GOD I"M READY, PUSH THE BUTTON!" People don't plan to bomb things then go and do it before the end of the commercial break. COME ON, GEORGE! GET YOUR CRONIES TO TELL BETTER LIES!

And scan this email. I dare you. Come give me problems. Give me MORE reasons to run my mouth. That diarrhea isn't stopping, and you ain't got enough immodium to shut me up. Try me.

Conspiracy Theory #245, Version 2.1

Ok. Everybody gather 'round, cause i got something to say. We live in a world where corporate entities rule. They make their own laws, and do what they can to subjugate the populace into a state of mindless slavery, walking from point to point as sheep being led to shearing. Or cows to slaughter. Whatever is easier for you to imagine.

No, I'm not talking about enron, george bush, or drilling in alaska. I'm talking about comcast cable.

They, like every other internet, tv, phone, or similar service, are all in on this.

This is what they do. The first thing you get when you call in is "press 1 if you are an existing customer, press 2 if you are seeking to add services". This is where they get you. If you press 2, you go straight to a current queue where a csr will answer your call as soon as possible. Why? cause they want to look good enough for you to sign a contract, give them money, and get pushed into the limbo of being a subscriber.

Because what happens is simple. Once they have you hooked, and say you have a problem with your service, the minute you press 1 on that menu, you get thrown into the bottomless pit of calls on hold.

And you're on hold, for hours and hours.

And you can't cancel your service, because you have to press 1 to get that far, and then you're on hold. Because if you're on hold, you can't cancel, and you still have to pay.

That's the corporate service limbo trap.

I've seen it everywhere. Comcast does it. Bellsouth did it. Insight cable, who I used to work for, did it.

And then if you go to the only local paycenter (cause you don't want to call michigan) they tell you they only accept payments and can't add or delete service.

Sometimes I wonder what would happen if Snake Blisken were around to send us all into a technological dark age. POWER TO THE PEOPLE! Don't worry comcast, I got my two cups and string. It is more reliable than your service. Trust me.

Carpenters' 759 Performs Brain Surgery

Ok. What is it with company outsourcing? I think that's what they call it. You know it looks like a good idea on paper, but in reality, THIS IDEA IS SHIT!

I am, to use a cliché, sick and tired of having to talk to some handjob in alabama or michigan to get something done in my own hometown. HOW CAN THESE PEOPLE KNOW WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON 3000 MILES AWAY?


We had fast access dsl by bellsouth installed when we first moved in. I think yes, we talked to some drooling retard (no offense to real retards) in alabama. A yes woman.

Sure... they can install it. Sure.. there's no problem. Sure, I can't find east tennessee on a map, but sure, we'll get it done.

They install it. We had the service for one week and the damn thing never worked. Now i like to consider myself somewhat technologically savvy in the internet category (seeing as it was my job) and i was taking it personally that i couldn't get the damn thing to work. So i called bellsouth, finally got through and someone did a netsniff and found the signal dying very badly in my neighborhood. So she scheduled a technician, from michigan. or alabama? Who knows.

So the technician came out, came right to my door, knocked, and said "i'm sorry sir but this service just isn't going to work here." He told me the way the infrastructure is lain, the main trunk is less than 100 yards from my house, but the branch goes 3000 out of the way before it comes back to me. So I guess drunk one eyed morons with no depth perception and sense of direction lay lines for bellsouth. I mean what kind of moron designs like that. And we say we are superior beings. Let me tell you, walking upright doesn't go very far when paired against designs like this.

Well i called bellsouth to cancel the service. The lady asks me, why sir, if i may ask, are you cancelling it? I said "cause the damn thing doesn't work." She asked how I knew that, and i told her the bellsouth technician told me so. She was surprised he had said that, and was feeling really guilty because she had no idea they had that problem in my area. I told her not to worry about it, because how could she know we had that line problem? SHE'S 2000 MILES AWAY!

I think they do this on purpose, that way they can give you shoddy workmanship, string you on for a few months payment, then not get you to disconnect because you can't even get through. More on this theory in the next post.

But anyways, I just wonder when my surgery is going to be subcontracted. I think it would be great to be spackled up by a carpenter instead of stitched up by a surgeon. Maybe I can get a catalytic converter installed instead of lungs. Who knows.

Things like this make me want to read old mary worth comics.

United Van Lines Sucks!

Ok. Don't ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever use United Van Lines to move your stuff. That is if you want to keep it. Let me elaborate.

First the packers come. They are supposed to arrive at 8 am. They arrive at 10. They pack up every thing in your house, including dirt you have not swept up and any dead bugs that might be in your garage or god forbid your cabinet. They don't know how to read. I had signs up that read "do not remove what is in this cabinet", and the packer would point to the sign and say... "stuff in here go?"

They take smoking breaks every ten minutes, turning a four hour packing job into 16. They take things they aren't supposed to take. I pointed to my circular saw, said clearly DO NOT TAKE THIS, and they packed it and put it on the truck. I told them, DO NOT PACK THE LAWNMOWER. We have an electric lawnmower. They left it, sure enough, but took the damn key out of it and packed and sent it, leaving me with an unuseable lawnmower. IDIOTS!

They took our futon. This is not a walmart special futon; this futon came from a furniture store, is made of solid oak, and cost upwards of 700 bucks. Well after they got away with it they decided to try to take it apart. The idiots didn't know what they were doing, and tore the wooden supports apart, breaking bolts in the wood, cracking the wood. It's like instead of doing a simple screw technique, they got some bodybuilder to rip the boards apart.

And get this. Because they FORCED ME to sign away that they would only pay 60 cents per pound for lost or damaged articles, and my homeowners SHOULD pay the rest, and my homeowners deductible is greater than 700 dollars, NO ONE WILL REPLACE THE FUTON. So they basically broke the shit out of my stuff, and I HAVE TO PAY to fix it.

And now so I will get this blog to come up when someone googles for united van lines, I will now type united van lines one hundred times! DONT USE UNITED VAN LINES!

united van lines united van lines united van lines united van lines united van lines united van lines united van lines united van lines united van lines united van lines united van lines united van lines united van lines united van lines united van lines united van lines united van lines united van lines united van lines united van lines united van lines united van lines united van lines united van lines united van lines united van lines united van lines united van lines united van lines united van lines

ok not 100 times. Maybe that's enough.


Been Gone

Sorry about not posting lately, but I've been really busy. Now that I'm moved, I have lots of things to rant about. I'll put them in separate posts. Enjoy the venom.